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Life's Little Lessons

"If you ask me what I came into this life to do, I will tell you: I came to live out loud." – Emile Zola

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end

End Well

It’s hard to know sometimes when you are at the end of something. Most times, our intuition knows something is over long before our heart accepts it and our head wraps itself around it. But deep down, we know.

And still we hold on till the death.

Because it’s hard to let go. I don’t care what it is. Letting go is a terribly tragic process.

I was reminded this morning that I am near an end and for all intensive purposes, what I’m at the end of doesn’t matter. Be it this ending today, another ending will be in my future a thousand more times. Letting go is cyclical and is not the point of this writing…ending well is.

Usually when we are at the end, we are tired. We are worn out or worn through and are exhausted with all the keeping up that hanging on entails. I think about all the races I’ve ran and how when I was a few miles from the finish line, my legs began to feel like slabs of jello and my chest felt as if it was filled with fire balls which made just about everything at the last half of the race fall apart. I certainly didn’t end with the same form as when I began…maybe that happens to us all.

Who really likes their finish line photo? I certainly don’t.

Ragged and tattered, every single one of us.

I think ending well has more to do with the things the naked eye cannot see. Things that aren’t felt. Things that are buried deep within us and are a part of our DNA that sometimes needs called to the surface with the intensity of a drill instructor at boot camp whom gets up in your face and spits in it. Things like:

Love. Endurance. Forgiveness. Honesty. Faithfulness. Courage. Humility. Integrity.

Because sometimes being tired takes over and those things slip. The flesh seethes and oozes in pain and the core gets sore from carrying the weight of your suffering because it’s easier to be consumed with the stitch in your side or the thoughts about how you can’t possibly feel your legs or take one more step…

So if you are like me and are nearing the end of your race, end well. Your form may be all shot to hell but that doesn’t mean you don’t have anything left in you to give.

Take a deep breath and and listen to the voice of God whisper: “It’s not so much about getting to the finish line that matters. Everyone finishes. Choose HOW you finish. And then end well.”

the beginning, middle and end

I tend to over complicate things. Like W-A-Y over complicate and maybe it’s not so much over complicate as it is…over think. <<<<<——- See, I just did it right there. I have a disease.

Either way, over thinking leads to over complication. Agree?

It comes down to thinking I need to be somewhere other than where I am at.

I have recently been going back and have been rereading some old post/journals/blogs. Each entry is a door into my head and into my heart at THAT moment and each one has been NEEDED. I could not be HERE, in this right now moment experiencing these right now things, if I had not been THERE

I realize I have a propensity to gravitate towards RIGHT and WRONG and for this incredibly gray, in-the-middle woman…it baffles my mind that I weigh in so heavy on one side or the other, but I do. **WITH ME**

When I was little, I don’t think there was a lot of room for conversations, as in “What do you think?” It was “This is how it is. End of discussion.” So to think outside of “This is how it is”  has made me feel small, as in stepped on, as in END. OF. DISCUSSION. 

No perspectives.

No opinions.

No conversations.

And sadly and ultimately…No relationship.

I haven’t quite learned how to master the art of resting in WHO I am and yes, the people pleaser in me is still alive and kickin’ for I continuously resurect her from the dead and invite her to sit at the head of my table, but I am learning.

I do not have to TRY to convince…

So now here I am, an adult who thinks A LOT and who goes back and rereads and begins to gauge her own thoughts against her new ones and places them on a scale. Was I right then or was I wrong?

HA. I was both.

It is no longer a matter if I was right or if I was a wrong in what I thought about what I was walking through at that time…it’s just another layer of me, a ginormously large onion, right where I am at.

**GOOD ** BETTER ** BEST**

These my friends, are words to live by. Not necessarily wrong or right or some hazy shade of gray but…

IN THE MOMENT.

RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AT.

DOING THE BEST THAT YOU CAN.

Which some days is good. Some days is better. Some days is best.

My friend Amanda taught me those words. I sat in a chair in her kitchen with a black binder in my hands that I often still use. I was new to health and overall nutrition and she was about to teach her first class and she said these three little words. It’s as if the heavens opened up above me and trumpets began to play, they impacted me that much. They’ve allowed me to take myself OFF THE HOOK and extend grace, mercy and kindness to myself.

Where you are at is GOOD.

If you step over here, it’s BETTER.

And if you push ahead, it’s BEST. 

Whatever it may be, it keeps you in the game instead of standing on the sidelines having been picked last at recess for the daily kickball game. It rules out NOTHING, it negates NO ONE.

Live in the moment. Live right in THIS moment, just as you are. Do not cross yourself off or rule yourself out. You aren’t getting it all right nor are you getting it all wrong…you are somewhere continuously between the beginning, middle and end.

Enjoy the journey.

Much Love- 

August

 

 

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