I met a friend for coffee today and I realize now, only afterwards, that I sounded like a complete train wreck. Not just a wreck but a TRAIN wreck, that’s the severity of my current situation. I’ve unraveled in perhaps all the wrong and maybe right ways…I just can’t tell yet.
The verdict is still out.
“What is love anyway? I’m feeling kind of lost. I’m questioning just about everything. Blah blah blah blah blah.”
I interjected other people’s problems because they affect me and felt justified. Yes, I am living IN my circumstances becuase they are big. Someday I will learn that if I cannot properly manage me and my life, why do I think I can manage someone else’s?
We talked about drama (hers) and went I came home, soaked in the bath and realize how I feed mine.
Drama like debt continues to grow if you perpetuate it. If you want to pay down debt, you could go out and make more money, but mostly that doesn’t work. Not spending moment does. So if I apply this principle to drama, I will reduce the amount of drama in my life if I stop entertainining it. Right?
So I didn’t answer some texts today. Drama.
I didn’t online shop to pass time. Drama.
I apologized when I interjected my opinion and I knew I shouldn’t. Drama.
I mostly likely will cut somethings out of my calendar this week becuase I’m tired and worn and desperately craving the comforts of home and my ugly sweatpants. I’ll find solice in the bath with all its bubbles and I’ll pretend I’m in a small dingy with Jesus. I’ll allow Him, in whatever amount of time is needed, to reset my preset.
Please, for the love, tell me it’s not wrong to feel all shaken and not stirred, all dry and slightly withery. Tell me it’s ok to feel lost. Tell me it’s ok do all the right things and still have things not work out favorably.
Becuase if you tell me there’s a formula, and I’ve screwed it all up, I scream.
I’ll do more than.