There is something that happens in the midst of a heartbreak, after you’ve poured and cried and searched with no resolve. You find yourself not only exhausted and worn but humbled.
You get a glimpse of Heaven’s perspective of your circumstances. You are quietly reminded to not dwell on them, but to learn from them, to not get stuck in them but to move forward from them and most importantly, that you are never alone through it all.
I breathe this reminder in and am filled with gratitude.
I will stop investigating phone records. I will stop trying to figure out how time spent together might of looked like. I will stop trying to understand the discrepancy between words and actions. I will stop trying to convince or prove, I don’t need to. I already know and that knowing is already too much. I don’t need to know more nor do I need to listen to one more round of justifications or explainations.
I just won’t.
But I will choose to focus on seeing him as my children’s father and seeing him as an amazing one, which he is. What is happening between us is not between them. Even though they aware of what is happening, none of us are sure of what will happen next except that it will be forward focused.
We will move forward into healing honest.
Or we won’t move.
Honesty is a choice and today I choose it.