There are eight adults in the waiting room. All on their phone, myself included, except two.

One is resting his head back against the wall and has his eyes closed. The other has her face in a book and is continually turning pages. I want to say “What the hell is happening to us, folks?” but I don’t. I sit and I long. I miss the days where I didn’t have to look up to acknowledge someone’s presence. I miss the days where leaning my head against the wall and closing my eyes was an option. I miss having my face in a good book while my hands turns its pages. I miss sitting, watching particles float through through the air while my heads empties into it.

I miss striking up a conversation with people, skin and flesh people…

My awareness that this device in my hands is continuously contending for my attention tries to make me feel powerless and controlled. Numb. I start to think it’s at fault but I know better. I AM. Anything can be used to keep me from being present and aware of my surroundings and the people in it; the wall my head rest against, closing my eyes in order to breathe, holding a book up to my face, staring blankly into the air.

Anything can be used as a respite from reality, the question is “WHY am I wanting a break from it?”

It would be easy and convenient to place blame; to say the PHONE made me do it, that this phone has made me obedient to every notification like some dog who does tricks on command. To say the PHONE made me zone out instead of simply watching the air and the people who breath it. That would all seem unfair because it has given me the illusion of productivity therefore necessity because I now have everything and everyone at my fingertips which just means more done and more connection, right? Then why am I left with a dull, nagging pain? Sometimes I’m less connected with real people and more concerned about the the cyber-laced layers of their shadows and the knowledge of that alone gnaws at my gut. It would be easy to…

But I am not powerless…

And I have been challenged. With every challenge comes an opportunity to tarry along unscathed or to dig deep and make a change. This cannot be MY new norm.

Technology is not my contention. Learning how to powerfully choose and guard…is.